About
John can't read. But also didn't touch the Larry.
Season Log
| Year | Sport | Team | Division | Record | PF | Finish |
|---|
| 2026 | Baseball | Juiced Balls | Unemployment Experience | 12-6 | 8823 | — |
| 2026 | Football | Nabers Touched My Penix | Illiterate Retards | 0-0 | 0 | — |
| 2025 | Baseball | Juiced Balls | Flaccid Swingers | 8-10 | 9296 | 6 |
| 2025 | Football | Nabers Touched My Penix | White Boys | 8-6 | 1885 | 6 |
| 2024 | Baseball | Juiced Balls | Long Island | 9-8 | 8433 | 6 |
| 2024 | Football | Nabers Touched My Penix | Unresolved Trauma | 10-4 | 1965 | 2 |
| 2023 | Baseball | Juiced Balls | Long Island | 1-19 | 7071 | 10 |
| 2023 | Football | Boogie Man | Long Island | 8-6 | 1877 | 5 |
| 2022 | Football | Team Kornobis | West | 5-9 | 1654 | 7 |
Head-to-Head
| Opponent | Overall | Games |
|---|
| Connor Donlon | 10–15 | 25 |
| Cameron Donachie | 4–20 | 24 |
| Justin Broschardt | 4–13 | 17 |
| Alec Kerestedjian | 6–10 | 16 |
| Jake Stern | 9–7 | 16 |
| Brendan Reed | 7–8 | 15 |
| Will Golder | 5–10 | 15 |
| Eddie Cramsie | 6–8 | 14 |
| Griffin Wallick | 4–7 | 11 |
| Andy Hines | 2–3 | 5 |
| Owen Faust | 4–0 | 4 |
| Joe Braun | 4–0 | 4 |
| Justin Runge | 3–1 | 4 |
| Skyler Donachie | 0–2 | 2 |
| Jimmy Cunniffe | 1–1 | 2 |
| Tyler G | 1–0 | 1 |
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